It’s been an interesting couple of days over on Facebook where I recently did a review of my account settings. (If you’re my Facebook friend you can click over there and check it out.) I review settings from time to time because Facebook has sneaky ways of changing things when you aren’t looking. I realized that I had incorrectly posted my relationship status as “In a Relationship” instead of the correct iteration, “In an Open Relationship.” So I fixed it. I even caveated in the comments, saying, ” It was from the beginning. Just realized I didn’t have it on the right setting on here.” Well, let me tell you, in spite of my caveat, I got some expected and welcome replies that ranged from “What does ‘open relationship’ mean?” and “Define ‘open’ please.” to “Good for you!” and “SO happy for you!”
In contrast to that I had this little thread ensue as well:
JW: …and how will you feel if He drops the other shoe and ends your relationship? just a musing!
Now before you go and get your feathers ruffled, here’s the real meat of the matter:
Let me explain how an open relationship is possible for me. Love. The real kind. The kind that is not based in fear. The kind that would never think to cling and grasp at another person. Respect. Deep respect for myself and for the people around me, for my needs and wants and for theirs.
These are the elements that make it possible and that for me make it a better option than some invisible fences like pieces of paper and mostly impossible to achieve vows of faithfulness for life.
We have some things that we do on a regular basis that permit us to have a beautiful, open relationship:
- We have from the beginning said that we will “let it be good.” This means staying out of our own way, remaining fully present with each other in the moment. This works incredibly well.
- We operate from the position of “Yes, And” and not either/or— from a position of inclusivity not exclusivity.
- If we need or want something we always ask and always try.
- We have committed to communicate in a loving way our wants and needs.
- We strive to do what is loose and natural, never forced.
And as I have meditated for years, I also use these breathing meditations. I use them for everything, not just remaining present in my romantic relationships, but in any moments when I need to return to mindfulness, to a position of love.
Breathing in, I see that I am clinging. Breathing out, I let go.
Breathing in, I expand myself. Breathing out I am love.
Let it be good, my friends.
I’d really love to hear your thoughts on open relationships. Please share!